I mentioned to Katyboo the other day that I believed that we in Australia have a superior selection of biscuits to that found in the UK. I believe she was quite shocked. From what I understand, she is quite the bickie aficionado and so I have taken it upon myself to show her the splendour that is Aussie biscuits.

Now, it’s a big claim, saying we have better biscuits, so I figured that I would be all scientific and check out Sainsbury’s selection. They seem like a reasonably comparable supermarket to our Coles or Woolies.

Sainsbury’s have grand total of 96 bickies in their online shopping catalogue. This is impressive. I hadn’t thought there would be quite so many, although there were an awful lot of digestives, shortbreads and bourbon creams, which by the way are as horrible as they sound (in my opinion). Now, the British people seem quite happy with their biscuit selection, they don’t know any better. They do have some token contributions from Oz in their supermarkets, the Anzac and the TimTam, for example. As Katyboo so eloquently pointed out, the TimTam tastes like a penguin. It is a most boring and revoulting biscuit (okay, that’s practically sacreligious to some people but there you have it) so I really don’t know why that’s our export of choice.

When I looked into Coles online catalogue, I found that they carry 169 different items in the sweet biscuit selection. This is without adding the masses of savoury biscuits, which you just can’t find elsewhere. More on that later. So, I thought I would run through ome of the best Australian biscuits, I’m sure the other Aussies out there will have their own opinions but I’m quite sure I’m right.

So, I went down to Woolies armed with my camera and shot this little video to give you an idea of the range of biscuits we have here (Yes, I am a real adult woman with four children to care for who has devoted a considerable amount of time to creating a blog post about biscuits. What?).

The biscuit aisle

Now let’s take a look at some favourites. First, to chocolate biscuits. This is an area where the UK seems to be sadly lacking. You can pretty much count on the jaffa cake and the chocolate digestive to be everywhere you turn but where’s the variety?

The Teevee snack, an arnotts favourite comes in original (pictured), malt sticks and wafer varieties. I’m addicted to them, there are 18 different shapes in a box. The original are my favourite, they are just lovely crunchy biscuits in dark chocolate but they are very special.

The Mint Slice is a real icon. As you can see from the picture, it’s a plain chocolate biscuit, topped with mint icing and then covered in chocolate. They also come in Exotic Mandarin Slice, Cherry Slice, and Coconut Slice. Biscuity awesome. One of the first things we did when we we came home from the UK was buy ten packets.

Of course, choccie bickies have a natural advantage. Who would opt for chocolate free if given the choice? I think you’d be surprised.

Let’s start with the iced Tic Toc. Now, this one is aimed at children but my goodness it’s fabulous. They are iced biscuits with an analog clock face on the plain side. The biscuit is soft and the icing is crisp and delicate. Pure joy, if you ask me. Yellow ones are best. Other exceptional kids biscuits include Hundreds and Thousands. They are pink with hundreds and thousands. There’s not much more that needs to be said really.

Now, I’m just going to add one more to the sweet biscuit category, we have many more, such as the Monte Carlo and the Squashed Fly, as you can see in the video, but there is one uniquely South Australian biscuit that must be mentioned. It can’t be purchased in the other states and I like to think that’s because the rest of Australia is just not good enough to be worthy of it. I’m talking of course, about the Yo Yo.

The people on the ad for these when I was a kid used to sing about “butter, eggs, milk, honey” and “biscuits delicious, filling up dishes”. Beefcake and I still sing this song to each other. They are unlike any other plain biscuit. They are the gods of plain biscuits. They are divine.

Now, finally (and because as entertaining as I might be finding this, I’m sure most of you aren’t) I’ll quickly show you the savoury range:

Now, it could be argued that the BBQ shape is the king of the savoury biscuits. We have all of your usual crispbreads and crackers, but the real savoury biscuits that we missed while overseas, are the shapes. They come in a variety of flavours there is savoury (which I’ve never had because ’savoury’ just doesn’t appeal), pizza and a variety of others. You can also get such a thing as a Chicken Crimpy, which despite the name, are quite moreish.

Now, you will have noticed that all of the biscuits are produced by the company Arnotts. There are other companies, including a rival range of shapes called “in a biscuit” (chicken in a biscuit, bacon in a biscuit etc) that includes the noteworthy Dixie Drumsticks but Arnotts biscuits are kind of the most iconic and recognisable as Australian and also, I’m lazy.

So, there you have it.

We have the best biscuits.The most, the best variety, the tastiest. When it comes to biscuits, we rock.

Quite scary really.

Both the number of biscuit varieties and the fact that I bothered to put this post together.

There is something wrong with me.

My very funny blogging friend Magic Marker Mom sometimes trots out a post she calls Wardrobe Malfunction Tuesday. Now, this woman is amazing, I swear she has kept every fashion disaster of her adult life. Her WMT’s are fabulous and hilarious. My favourites have included these fabulous Louboutins and this backless number that just rocked my world.

I tend to have regular cleansing sessions and therefore have lost much of the real fashion tragedies that have adorned my gorgeous bod over the years. I have had many a sad encounter with man made fibres and more fashion victim moments than I can count but I have been ruthless and they have all ended up with one charity or another. All of them except a choice bag of vintage clothes which, while mostly hideous and tragic, have some special importance to me.  So, in admiration of MMM’s tragically full wardobe, I give you my version of a fashion tragedy:

I do not remember where I bought this little number. I do remember being enchanted with the Lurex and believing that it was the most stunning 70’s number I had ever seen. I loved it and wore it many times, although in recent years it has only been trotted out as a fancy dress costume. Here it is as worn by a mystery model who did not wish to appear on my blog in heels and a dress if people could identify facial features:

God, can’t you just hear him telling a therapist all about this at some future date. Goodness he looks chic though!

I’m just looking at the label now and it was apparently made by an outfit called Kenneth Pirrie, who was obviously some really glam and fabulous designer of the sixties and seventies. It lists the make-up of the fabric as being a composition of Lurex and Orlon, which everyone knows are the kings of the synthetic fibre world.

It is truly hideous, I know, but after this, it will be folded and returned to the bag underneath my bed where all such treasures reside because I simply can’t get rid of it.

Beefcake has been struck down with a man-cold. That is to say, we all have a cold, however Beefcake is dying and urgently needed to rush off to the pharmacy in order to dose himself thoroughly with whiney baby drugs.

Drugs, which I cannot have.

Arsehole.

Anyhow, it turned out well because he decided to stop working after a few hours today and we spent the rest of the day making comfort food. Comfort food involving pasta and cake, which I should not have. Beefcake makes a gorgeous ginger cake, which is baked in a large baking dish. This is lucky because we tend to need to eat that much of it. Today, being terribly ill, he had put it in the oven when I noted it was rather less thick than usual and lacking in volume. On questioning, it turns out that he had added the ingredients in a rather haphazard order and had somehow forgotten to add one of the cups of flour. We managed to rescue the cake but he has been banned from baking. Still, I have indulged heartily in the carbohydrates and will now need to spend the next couple of days whispering nasty things to myself as punishment.

I stupidly went to bed at about 8pm with Grub and will now be awake until a million o’clock but at the time it seemed I had no choice as I was about to pass out from tired. Since I got up again, Poss has been up  to get a drink and has begun laying the groundwork towards spending the day at home tomorrow. Think lots of moaning about blocked noses etc. We just heard her moaning in her sleep though so I think she may genuinely be sick.

Poor Rhubarb, he who brought the pestilence to our house, has been punished severely by enduring his first Monday fitness training for rowing squad. Poor baby had sport just before school finished and then went on to do 90 minutes of situps and rowing practice and the like. He seemed to enjoy it but I notice that his light was out early this evening, which can only mean he was knackered.

Right then, I might try and lay about and moan a bit before trying to head to bed again…… Or perhaps some more cake? Mmmmmm.

I have this bloggy friend.

She is a mother of two small and boisterous boys.

She runs her own business from home.

She is a clever and witty blogger.

She is also either completely insane or a completely amazing superwoman (maybe a bit of both).

You see, my friend, Home Office Mum, has decided that, in addition to all the other things she has on her plate, she fancies a spot of sailing. She just signed on to take part in the Clipper Round the World Race and sail from the UK to Brazil.

She has started a new blog in order to document her journey in getting ready for the race etc. She is toning sup and getting fit so that she will be able to hoist the sails like a swarthy dog (actually, I’m pretty sure she is not looking to become a pirate so you can just ignore that).

In order to manage this trip she needs to raise some funds. Seriously, I am in total admiration of this woman. I think she’s completely bonkers – because there’s no way you’d get me near a sailboat if my life depended on it – but gosh darn it she’s got balls.  This is going to be quite the hardcore adventure. She needs sponsors, she needs help getting this dream off the ground. Go over and visit her and lend your support. I’m so excited for her, embarking on this adventure and she’s sure to entertain everyone along the way. I mean, the woman has already been telling us all about feminine hygiene on the high seas.

So go check it out…. go on, you know you want to.

Once upon a time there was a little house in the suburbs. The owner of the house rented it to a ‘couple’, who  payed a year’s rent in advance, and he left them to it. Months later the police descended on the house, which they had been keeping under surveillance. It turns out, the lovely 3-bedroom suburban wonder had been used to house a massive hydroponics endeavour. It was a drug house.

The landlord reapired all the damage caused by the evil drug lords and chose his next tenants with care. A family with 3 4 children. He knew they would take better care of the house – no hydro for them.

Which is why it was particularly funny to wake up and find this in our driveway this morning:

I looked out the window and could see what looked like a book lying on the gravel. After we had peered at it through the window for several minutes Beefcake was overcome by curiosity and went out to have a look. He has since had a little wander up and down our street and found that they  are everywhere.This game (as featured on disapproving local current affairs program) is *gasp* a game about how to create a successful business dealing hydroponically grown drugs. Think monopoly with weed. Actually, think Weeds in a board game.The  concern has been that these games, which just get left in public parks (and in peoples driveways evidently) will plant evil thoughts in the minds of children and lead them to abuse drugs. Nobody is worried that Cluedo is going to give children ideas about becoming murderers. Although, now that I think of it, Rhubarb has exhibited some predisposition for bumping off people with candlesticks. Must keep an eye on that.

So dear readers, I have procured a second game, which I will send to one of you. Hours of fun for the while family in this one little game. To enter, just share a story about an encounter you have had with the ganga. You’ve all got one, I know you have – go on.

I’ll randomly draw the winner somehow or other.

This is not much of a blog post.

I do not have much to give.

After spending the last hour or so boobing her, wrestling with her and begging her to fall asleep, as she usually tends to at this time of night.

It is 9.15pm she is currently doing this:

I have admitted defeat. I have no more Mummy in me right this minute.

Anyone interested? She’s cute and she can do tricks!

Edited to add: Grub managed to make this post publish before it was ready by doing some unusual things to my keyboard. It seems that this is the version that is in everyone’s feedreaders. Yay Grub!

Also, she’s sleeping, yes, yes, yes!!

Today my body was coping particularly badly with the lack of sleep. I got up for about a couple of hours this morning and then just couldn’t keep my eyes open. Fortunately, Grub was keen for a nap by about 10am too so we headed back to bed and left Beefcake to get Pudding ready and off to playgroup. It was very nice. I got a couple of okay hours of sleep with only some brief boob attachment interruptions, Beefcake and Pudding had a lovely time at playgroup and then picked some things up at the supermarket.

While Beefcake unpacked the shopping we were chatting about how playgroup was and who was there when this conversation happened:

Beefcake: “I made a friend at playgroup”

Me: “Oh yeah”

B: “Yeah, mother of a 3yo… blah, blah, (description of what he and the woman chatted about)”

Me: “Cool, sounds nice”

B: Yeah, so she gave me her phone number and said we should get together for a playdate with the kids”

Me: “Ummmmm”

Now, here’s the thing. This is fine, really, it’s fine. Beefcake is very loyal and I have no worries on that count. He wouldn’t even go on a playdate, like this, without me. I suppose it is possible that I would’ve chatted to this woman and exchanged phone numbers and all the rest if I had been there. The thing is, if I had been out and brought home a man’s phone number in the same situation, then he would be weirded out too. I pointed this out to him when we were talking about it and he agreed. He would hate it if I brought home some random Dad’s phone number for organising playdates and yet he knows that he has nothing to worry about.

We had a good laugh about how silly it is but  I still feel a  bit uncomfortable about it. What’s up with that? It’s weird, no? I actually don’t know that I would give my phone number out to a married man I met at playgroup, which is stupid, I mean, who cares if it’s a Dad or a Mum who you’re talking to. The thing is, I must care about it on some level.

Oooh, oooh, and get this, she even said to him that she was really judgemental and that she tended to get all judgy when she met people and he said  (Oh. My. Fuck) “Oh well you and my wife will either hate each other or love each other then because she’s really judgmental too”. Nice one darling. Thanks. And, and, does she intend to have playdates with my husband and will she be annoyed when I turn up as well?

Anyway, what do you think, dear internets, would you be weirded out exchanging numbers with a Dad at playgroup? I’ll probably make friends with her and then have to delete this post at some point but right now….Is it just me? Am I being an insecure bitcharella or is she a bit too loose and free with her phone number?